It’s Okay to Be Different

Posted January 5th, 2010 by KellBell

Yes, taken from the title of a book my sister got for Jeremy one year, I have discovered that it is really okay to be different. It’s a simple concept, really, but it’s a concept that is often forgotten. In the hub bub of trying to be part of society we often give in and go along with the flow, we do what we feel is expected of us. But you know what, it’s okay to break out of the mold and be true to yourself.

This past weekend there was a Bay Area memorial for Pro. I had resolved to attend this one the moment the date was finalized. However, as the date approached I found myself getting more and more anxious about attending. I suppose a part of it is that I just don’t handle death well, but it goes deeper than that. I have come to realize a few things this past few days:

- I don’t like group “mourning” sessions
- I don’t need funerals or memorials in order to have closure and say good bye
- Once I have come to terms with sadness I don’t really like to relive it

That’s basically what it breaks down to. The impending sorrow that I knew I would have feel all over again was causing a lot of anxiety and that was when I realized that I needed to do something different.

Is it selfish? Absolutely. I should have been there for my friends and for Becky. Does it mean that I didn’t care about Pro and his friends and family? Absolutely not! I thought of Pro and his friends and family a lot that day. Spending the time with my family (both close and extended) and appreciating the moments while remembering my friend was the healthiest way for me to say good bye. So while many may be shaking their heads in disappointment, I will stand by me decision and find solace in knowing that it’s okay to be different.