They cycle, they run, they hike, they camp, they laugh. They have many adventures on their own, but even many more together. Weekend mornings just aren't complete without a pancake breakfast after a snuggle session with the kid and the 2 dogs watching morning cartoons.
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Though we try to do evening rides have been more kind of rare this year. And I fortunate to get one in today. Most people hike up to the top of Bald Mountain, we rode
Today was a pretty significant day for a certain aspect of my life. Today a chapter of my past was finally and officially closed. But with it finally over, I am left to wonder if it really is. It seems as if there is another piece of business now cropping up. Really. Just when you think you have finally overcome and can move on, something else comes your way. So I have to wonder…does it ever really end?
I think my main point to writing this entry, however, is just to find a place to put some emotion on paper, per se. I am tired, I am hurt, and I am tired of hurting. For so long now I have been the preverbeal punching bag. I have to take the hits but can’t really fight back. It’s not for a lack of ability to fight back, it’s more that I really don’t see the benefit in doing so. Really. Why make an already ugly situation worse by not taking the high road. The only problem I am facing right now is that I am tired of taking the high road because all it has done is lead me to tears. Bitting my tongue, standing there and taking it gracefully is not an easy thing for me at all. And while I am not supposed to take things personally I always do. I am … what I guess you can say is … compassionate. I care about things many believe I shouldn’t because I am a caring person. I do want everyone to be happy and hate when I am the cause of any pain. I don’t usually try to cause pain, but sometimes on my way to finding my own peace and happiness - which is also deserved mind you - I sometimes have to not give others what they want. It’s such a vicious cycle I tell you.
So once again, today marks the official end to something major in my life, yet it looks like it’s just the end of another chapter. With the opening of another can of worms so soon after what I thought was truly it I just know that these are chapters I am facing and can only hope that I get to the end of the book…soon…
Bitterness is an ugly thing. If I had to put a “face” to it I guess it would be the ugliest green creature imaginable. I’m not sure why green, but it is the color of the monster’s face in my head right now. But enough with the digression. No matter the face you put to it, bitterness is down right ugly. I admit to harboring my own bitterness towards people and/or situations, but as I face the wrath of someone else’s bitterness I am left to wonder if it’s really worth it. Honestly, life is too short as it is so is it really worth it to spend all that energy holding on to such negative feelings? Even more so, is it worth it to lash out at the person “responsible” for your bitterness. Even if you take it out on an innocent bystander, what good can possibly come from unleashing all that fury in a hurtful way?
Let’s pause for a moment and discuss the concept that someone else is responsible for any bitterness an individual may be harboring. Is there really such a being? While someone else’s actions may have upset us, is it not our own fault that we let those actions or events affect us in such a negative way? I know, from human nature’s stand point, that it is so much easier to place blame or responsibility on to someone else than it is to face up to our own short comings. I am not saying that you should never feel angry, bitter, or hurt. Those are normal human feelings in certain situations. However, isn’t it is up to us to determine how long and how much we let things affect us? In the end, I guess, I would have to say that I don’t believe that we can truly blame someone else for any long term bitterness one might be harboring.
Perhaps by now you’ve been able to surmise that I have recently endured the wrath of someone who is harboring some pretty profound bitterness - bitterness that I am being blamed for. I suppose I am a bit softer than so many others since I have allowed the lashing to hurt me and affect me in a negative way. However, being a recipient has opened my eyes. Once again, I too have been guilty of being the aggressor in some situations, but I am at least questioning why. Has lashing out ever done anything positive or made me feel even the slightest bit better? I’d have to say no. I was never really whole again until I was able to let go. And knowing and accepting that fact, I hope, will cause me to re-think my next steps the next time I am faced with my own feelings of bitterness. I hope I can become a better person because life is far too short otherwise.
Today, I can safely say, was my worst day ever on a bike. I have never been in so much pain mentally and physically as I was today trying to complete a 55 mile loop. The only time I have felt worse was when I asked Dave to take my to the hospital during The Relay. Seriously. The MCL and meniscus tear - while painful - were different because that was an injury. Today’s ride was just a session of suffering - self induced suffering at that!
So today I got myself talked into doing a 55 mile loop from Monte Rio up and over King Ridge and back. The distance was not the problem at all. It’s true I haven’t done anything over 35 miles recently, but I can most definitely finish a reasonable 55 mile ride. My problem was the 4k+ feet of climbing that I had to do. My legs do not have the miles nor climbs in them to handle all that I did today. I look back and I can’t believe that I actually did what i did. I suffered immensely, cursed myself, cursed the climbs, cursed Dave, and even had a bit of a crying meltdown when I realized that I had to climb another hill after I had already climbed so much already. I didn’t think that I had enough in me to make it over some of the climbs, but somehow I did. I didn’t think that I had enough in me to make it back, but somehow I did. I suppose, that just like with The Relay, I learned a little bit more about myself and that I can dig even a bit deeper than I thought.
Really, I suffered A LOT and I was COMPLETELY miserable. But you know what? I survived. Do I want to go out and ride it again tomorrow? Oh hell no! I really do need to get more miles and climbs in these legs - a few more Sonoma Mtn Rd, Adobe Canyon, and Cavedale sessions. But I will tackle it again. Maybe for Levi’s Granfondo, but probably not since that will just be a throw down of the whose who for the event and I’d rather not try to have to survive another torture session in that environment. But I will do it again…someday…
Random Thought #1
Our dogs have a pretty good life. While they may not be at our sides and free to roam as much as they would like, they do have a good home. We love them a lot and take care of them as best we can. I suppose it’s funny that they live under the stairs, but they like it.
Benny and Mandy chillin'
Random Thought #2
Jeremy has started T-Ball again - taking on the joys of batting, fielding and throwing as a Dodger this year. It’s true that he doesn’t really view sports the way many kids do at his age (including me), but as long as he is getting out and running around I don’t really care. Somehow, despite the “genetics” of both his parents, he is just not all that athletic. Well, let me take that back. I think he has the capabilities, but he just doesn’t have the drive to pursue them as his “life.” But in all honesty, as long as he laughs and has fun while learning some bits of the game it is money and time well spent because that is what childhood is supposed to be - FUN!
Jeremy takes off for 2nd base
Random Thought #3
Ross, the store, is awesome! Really, I rediscovered the beauty of shopping at Ross because my washing machine ate my bed spread. Well, it was a dry clean only bed spread so I suppose it was all my fault, but still. I finally got smart and went to Ross to find the replacement. Not only did I find a bed spread for a great deal, I got a T-Fal 10 piece pot and pan set, 500 ct thread sheets, and new hand towels all for the cost of the original bed spread. It was such a great deal I have to ask… why do I not shop there more often? Is it the stigma tied to it? Sometimes you have got to throw pride out the window for practicality!
Random Thought #4
Life, I would say, is truly what you make of it at all times. The moments when we are wallowing in our own self pity it is best to remember that there is, most likely, something far worse and more important going on in the world. I am truly blessed to have what I have and I am thankful for it everyday!
It was the 2nd Sunday in May which meant another Mother’s Day. Just as the past few years, this Mother’s Day Jeremy was slated to be at his dad’s house. I know it may seem odd that he is not with me on Mother’s Day since I am his mother, but you have to also understand the importance of Jeremy’s schedule. He knows his schedule well, really really well, so well that I think he finds some comfort in having it. It is a routine that he is used to and being split across two houses can’t be easy on anyone - no matter how hard both parents try to make it as seamless as they can. So maybe you understand why when it comes to certain things we let his schedule overrule things like Mother’s Day.
But this year was a bit different. He was still going to be at his Dad’s house as scheduled, but his Mommy Michelle had asked a few weeks back if I wanted him for Mother’s Day. Really, it was a very appreciated gesture but given how I know Jeremy likes his schedule I wanted to try to minimize disruption so I suggested a joint Mother’s Day brunch. I wasn’t sure how it would go over - I mean, getting us all together was bound to have its awkward moments - but we proceeded with the plan to have brunch at Bistro 29.
Just a bit of background on Bistro 29. It is a French Bistro that has been in Santa Rosa for a little less than 2 years. The owner and chef is Brian Anderson, a cyclist and friend. We actually met Brian at one of the Riviera events and really enjoy the food at his restaurant. I know we’re at Riviera a lot, but that has a lot to do with the fact that they are our second family. But the food at Bistro 29 is amazing, and Brian is always great to us when we are there. So back to Mother’s Day…
We had reservations at 11 am for 5. Dave and I figured we had time for an early AM bike ride so we headed down to SBC to do their Mother’s Day ride. Sadly, no one else showed so Dave, Jeff and I headed out for a quick, but pleasant ride through Petaluma. We got back in plenty of time for us to get home, shower and head out the door for our reservation. Dave and I were a couple minutes late so Michelle, D, and Jeremy were already there when we arrived. Like I had said before, I was a bit concerned about the awkwardness of it all, and there were definitely some moments, but it was very pleasant when all was said and done. It went well for the first joint outing and I appreciate the fact that everyone did their best to make it work for all of us. While I know we will never all be the best of friends - which is absolutely fine - I do think it’s important for Jeremy to see us all getting along as well. The food was absolutely wonderful and afterwards Dave and I headed home so that I could spend the rest of my Mother’s Day being L-A-Z-Y!
Thanks to D and Michelle for working with me so I could spend some time with Jeremy on Mother’s Day despite the “schedule.” And thanks to Dave for being supportive and allowing me to be lazy as all lazy beings the rest of the day. Really….Happy Mother’s Day to ME!
With The Relay now behind me it’s time to shift gears and get ready for the Breathe Easy Ride. If you don’t recall, I rode the 65 (well we turned it into 67) mile route last year. For the 2009 edition this year I plan on tackling the 100 mile route. Not only is it still for a good cause (and one with a direct impact on my life), it would also be my very first century. But before becoming a mostly cycling chick there was one more run that I wanted to tackle. Granted I was only a week removed from The Relay, and my body was still trying to recover from its madness, but I was excited to run my very first 10k ever.
The Human Race is an annual event in Santa Rosa that is really close to the house. It starts at Herbert Slater Middle School, winds its way through Howarth Park, continues on to and around Spring Lake before returning to Herbert Slater. I have to say, although I was excited and grateful that Shannon was running it with me, I was still pretty exhausted and not sure how it would actually go because of it. I knew adrenaline had fueled me last weekend to speeds I wasn’t expecting, but I had little confidence that this weekend’s run would have the same result.
After getting to the race by 7 am so I could register day of, I: checked in my bike, registered, pinned my number on (#1167 to be exact), finished getting race ready, and then waited for Shannon so we could head over to the start line together. I had no idea how many people would be there and was completely blown away by the mass of bodies that was the start “line.” They tried to segment the runners based on time starting with a 5 min pace to try and minimize all the jockeying that takes place as faster runners try to squeeze by slower runners on narrow paths. Shannon and I placed ourselves at the front of the 9 min mile pace group and shortly after 8 am the race horn blew and the mass of runners started on their way. After trying to stay with Shannon’s comfortable 8:30 pace the first couple miles I took it down a couple notches because my body just didn’t have enough umph. The great thing bout Shannon is that she can ramp her pace up or down with great ease so you can actually get a run in together. I totally appreciate her willingness to deal with my varying speeds because having company makes the runs we do so much better! In the end I didn’t stop despite moments of wondering why I was doing such a thing so soon after the relay, and I finished my very first 10k in 56 minutes and 48 seconds with a 9:14 pace. It may not have been the sub 9 min pace I would have loved, but it was still a good pace all things considered. While the results on the website have me listed as taking a bit longer (I think I started my Garmin a bit later than they started timing us), there is no disputing the fact that I was 37th out of 125 in my age group.
So while you may think that my day’s adventures would end with the end of my run, they did not. Let’s not forget that I have a century bike ride I need to try and get ready for. So with a bit of insanity on my side (and Shannon’s since she came too), I headed out on a 35 mile bike ride with Gail, Dave and Shannon. It’s true it wasn’t a blistering pace on my bike, partly because my legs were toasted from the run but also because I just don’t have many miles in my legs right now, but it was a great training ride all the same.
And thus ended my Saturday adventures. Sunday was Mother’s Day which is a whole different story all its own.
Twelve runners, two drivers, two volunteers, 200 miles and one weekend. That, in a nutshell, is The Relay as it just happened this past weekend. After weeks of anticipation and training the weekend of The Relay was finally upon us. Was I excited? Of course! Events like this are just the kind of challenge I am looking to do in my retirement. Was I frightened? Oh hell yes! I have NEVER done anything like this in my life and I had little confidence in how I would do and how my body would hold up during the event.
The weekend’s events started with the team having dinner at Riviera. Although we were an hour late getting there, Riviera graciously made it work out and hosted us for a great dinner. After salads, entrees and some limoncello dessert, we got into our respective vans and headed out for some sleep before the craziness of the relay began. Van 1 headed to my house while van 2 went to Shannon’s house.
Sweet Tooth @ Riviera!
Fast forward to 5:30 am on Saturday morning and the sound of my alarm kicking off my relay experience. After making sure the team was up at their respective times, and after trying to keep my nerves calm, we packed ourselves and our gear into Bessie the Suburban and headed to Calistoga for our 9 am start. The forecast of rain decided to hold true for this weekend since gray rainy skies greeted us on the drive out and while we were taking care of pre race prep after getting to Calistoga. I will say that everything up to this point was pretty calm and organized. We got checked in quickly, got the required sign attached to the back of Bessie in plenty of time, we even had the time to take care of some more personal needs before our 9 am start. Everything after that start, however, was just chaotic!
To understand the chaos that ensued I should take a step back and explain this relay process a bit more. Sweet Tooth was comprised of 12 runners where one of us was running at all times. Ideally, runners complete each relay leg in order from 1-12 and then start the rotation over again until all 36 legs are completed. In order to minimize the number of cars and runners on the course the race not only staggers start times based on your “estimated” race pace they also require you to split your team in half and over two vans. Only the “active” van can be on course except for those legs and time periods where you will do a van exchange. In the end Sweet Tooth broke out the legs and vans as follows (runners are listed in order):
Van 1: JoJo, Kelli, Gail, Bea, Liz, Irene
Van 2: Cindy, Lindsey, Sarah, Shannon, Heather, Beth
So at 9 am after JoJo started her run and kicked off our relay madness we scrambled back into Bessie to head to the next start point and the start of my specific experience. Based on the team’s 10 min mile pace we expected JoJo to come in at around 9:45. Boy were we wrong! JoJo came rolling in 5 minutes ahead of schedule and off I went to start Leg 2 and my first run.
JoJo getting ready to take off
My plan the whole weekend was to run as fast or as slow as my body wanted me to. I had been training at about a 9:30 min mile pace so you may understand the surprise I had when I looked at my Garmin 405 and saw that I was running a sub 8:30 pace! Adrenaline sure does make a big difference! I didn’t feel like I was running any harder or pushing beyond my limits but I was sure running faster than usual! It took me 39 mins and 34 seconds to finish my 4.7 mile leg which meant that, in the end, I completed my run with an 8:24 min/mile pace. By the end of my leg we were tracking well ahead of our estimated times, and it was only just the beginning.
My first leg
By the time Irene came rolling into Napa and van exchange 1, Van 1 finished out our first set of runs about 45 mins ahead of schedule. After we all finished our first legs we headed back to our house to recoop before our next set of legs began.
You would think that after napping, showering, and eating that our next set of runs would go beautifully. I am sad to say that wasn’t the case. After packing Bessie up to hit our 2nd set of legs and then to head to the city afterwards, we made our way to the start of leg 13 and van exchange 2. Well, I should say that we made our way to what we *thought* was leg 13 and van exchange 2. We were actually at the start of leg 12 and we didn’t realize it until we waited there for 90 minutes. After we made our way to the correct location, we ran around for another 30 minutes trying to find our team. We figured that since we were so far ahead of our pace (nearly 2 hrs when Van 2 had finished their first legs) that they would wait for us. As it turns out they waited 7 minutes and then continued on, covering our legs and hoping it would all get figured out soon. After failing to gain cell reception and still unable to find them at the exchange, I went in and asked the Deli staff if I could use their land line. I guess my look of complete and utter despair was enough to make them cave and we were finally able to get a hold of van 2. They had just finished leg 13 for us and as I was on the phone they started leg 14, which was supposed to be my run. We made the plan to meet them at the start of leg 15 and make the switch there.
Fast forward a few hours. Since I had missed my run up Nicasio Valley Rd, van 1 did some juggling and Bea and I ended up covering the first two legs of Van 2’s next runs to make up for them having to cover for us. Bea handled leg 19 which was much harder than what her 2nd run was supposed to be. Me? I had to cover leg 20 which was a run from the Great Ocean Hwy & Sloat, up Skyline Blvd. to Hickey Blvd. In other words, it was a 5.9 mile run UP HILL. It was much longer of a run than I anticipated and prepared for, with a much steeper incline, but I still managed to finish it in a little over an hour with 10:34 min mile pace. After I finished my run we rushed back to Bea’s to try and recoop as much as we could before we resumed our final set of runs. Since we were going to stick to the original game plan from here on out we were expected to start up again at leg 25 which meant that we had far less time to rest than originally planned.
My 2nd leg
While everyone was sleeping or resting as best they could at Bea’s, I was struggling. I was not feeling well - I actually hadn’t been feeling well since before my 2nd run - and I couldn’t figure out exactly what was wrong. All I knew is that I was feeling nauseated and shivering and could not fall asleep. After getting the call that it was time for us to get going again, Dave brought me a coke to see if it was low blood sugar. We packed ourselves back in Bessie and headed to Cañada College to make the 3rd van exchange in time. I was not feeling well the whole way there, and after we parked and folks got out I started to shiver uncontrollably. I could tell that my body was starting to shut down and not only was that not normal for me, I couldn’t figure out why. Eating and drinking weren’t an option in my mind since the very thought made me more nauseated. It was at this point that I asked Dave to take me to the hospital. Since I have never made such a request, and since Dave knows how much I hate hospitals, he was a bit surprised to hear me say that. Needless to say I was defeated. I had mentally given up and just really wanted to make it all end. Luckily for me, not only was my van super supportive in the fact that they were preparing to cover my leg for me, they didn’t give up on me either. Bea informed Heather of my condition and Heather came to check me herself. It was her tough love that pulled me through. She made me drink electrolytes and didn’t care if I couldn’t keep them down because she was going to make me drink them anyway. Within 5 mins of finishing my first bottle of my electrolyte drink I bounced back. I started drinking a 2nd bottle as we headed on the road to track JoJo’s progress. As I continued to perk up more and more, the anger at myself and determination set in and I started to get ready to run my third and final leg.
Leg 26 was the last challenge between me and the end of my specific relay experience, and it started only 4 hours after I had finished my 2nd leg and less than 30 mins after I asked to be taken to the hospital. With a renewed sense of determination, I started on my way. The team was still concerned about me and insisted that I just do what I could and to stop the moment I didn’t feel right. They were going to check in on me often just to make sure I was ok. Well, after the first check in I was fine. I had some more electrolytes and then continued on to finish my run as strong as I could. When all was said and done, I finished my 4.2 mile run near the Stanford Campus in amazing style: I maintained an 8:40 min mile pace. Yes it was classified as an “easy” run, but it was an accomplishment nonetheless. I had overcome and I finished my 3 legs on my own. As I kicked it in the last 400 yds to the hand off zone my sense of pride swelled knowing that I had proven a lot to myself in this journey. I am stronger both physically and mentally than I could ever have imagined!
My 3rd and final leg
In the end Sweet Tooth completed the 200 mile run from Calistoga to Santa Cruz in a little over 31 hours. Our team pounded the pavement for 31 hours straight in wind, rain, darkness, and battling physical hurdles and we conquered this challenge together and over 2 hours faster than we had planned.
All I know I am now hooked. I not only want to tackle this again next year, but I also signed up for the San Francisco Half Marathon. I kid you not, I learned a lot about myself, and I know now that I *can* do it!
Sweet Tooth!
–> Please check out my Facebook album for more pics.
With The Relay only one week out some of the girls from the relay team got together for one last training session. The plan for the group was to do a race simulation by running Saturday morning, Saturday evening, and Sunday morning. My plans, however, were a little bit different.
With the hockey game on Saturday night, and an upcoming century ride I also need to train for, I opted to do a ride-run combination workout both days this weekend. To put it a different way, you can summarize my weekend like this:
Ride-run-HOCKEY-sleep-ride-run-SLEEP!
In writing it doesn’t look like much, but believe me I am exhausted! By themselves the rides and the runs were very doable and almost mellow, but combine them together in one day (and pretty much back to back) and man it’s a whole other story! But it was a fun weekend and a good experience to get under my belt. It did show me that I am actually on target fitness wise and, more importantly, that my knee is strong.
So while I am ready to sleep and let my body recoup itself a bit, I am also looking forward to next weekend!
PS: Just in case you are curious, here is the breakdown from my back to back double days. Just click the links to see the full details.
SATURDAY
25 mile ride (flattish route through Windsor and back)
5 mile trail run at China Camp
SUNDAY
25 mile ride (Lawndale Loop)
~4 mi run
It is the end of April and that means only one thing if you are a hockey fan…it’s playoff season! If you’re one of the lucky fans whose team made it to the post season it is time for cheers, tears, and finger nail biting. I have to say that last night at the Shark Tank was no exception.
The Sharks finished the season as the number one team in the league and earned the number 1 seed in their division. You would think the one seed and home ice advantage throughout the playoffs would be a good thing for them, but the #8 seeded Ducks have been causing them nothing but pain and the Sharks found themselves in a Do or Die game 5 being down 3 games to 1 in a best of 7 series. It’s true that the Sharks have out shot Anaheim every game, but the Anaheim keeper, Hiller, has been phenomenal. All I know is that Dave scored us playoff tickets for this pivotal Game 5 and it was pandemonium!
We have enjoyed every Sharks’ game we have gone to - yes even the games they have lost. Seeing a regular season hockey game is a pretty amazing experience, but a playoff game is something entirely different. The energy in the stands just leads to a more intense atmosphere and a much louder and crazed experience. Last night all the Shark faithful were willing them to victory with the cheers and the heckles. The first 2 periods were great with the Sharks going up 2-0! Unfortunately, they did not bode so well in the 3rd since Anaheim came back to tie it up, and sent the game into OT. By this time the stress was driving me crazy and I almost couldn’t stand to watch, but the Sharks pulled through and won the game 3-2. The post game scene was complete mayhem both in and out of the stadium!
I tell you, it is something you have to experience and thanks to Dave I was able to.
Enjoying our playoff experience
–> You can see sights of the game by visiting my Facebook album.